...i would go back to my ...i think 11th grade health class.....MHS, i had Mr. Kaczmarek.... and we had to present to the class:

1-a demonstration of a hobbie (such as making bracelets, making cookies...)

2-bring in one visual aid of the hobbie of choice....

So, i chose art/drawing/sketching as my hobbie that "improves my health"....it really does but.....

I totally fucked up my presentation.... at that tyme in my life, i SUCKED ASS AT GIVING SPEACHES....
i got really nervouse...i often choked on my words in front of forien people....

And, the reason why i am writing this blog is because i just want to Write out what i REALLY REALLY
WANTED TO TELL THE PUBLIC.....

Because its really setting heavy on me...i really really regreat cracking under preasure about something that is/was so important and meaningful to me....

So this is what I really would rathe tell the public....

This is My REAL REASON FOR SKETCHING....>>>

"some people write. some peole sing. some people teach.... well there is not really much i am good at....
but something that i do that reall means more than words could ever explain is sketching.
As you all should have noticed by now, i am more of a quite person. Well the pictures i try to sketch out
can say more words than i ever could in one average day of skool...i don't really look at this as a
"tallent" but rather an outlet to release the thoughts in my head.

Ever since i was little, i have been using different mediums of self expression.
My mother would buy me markers, Rose-Art or Crayola crayons, chalk, watercolor paints,
and plenty of paper in white and rainbow colors... if i could guess an age...i would say before...5?
For example, i was rumageing through one of my mom's file cabbinets and found a colored doodle of
Simba and Nala from The Lion King... it was the two of them running at a distance... they were sort of
far away, and they were running towards the right of the white paper. there was some detail put into this:
a yellow-setting sun watched the 2 cubs in the background. To show it was the jungle, there was some "Jungle Green" shrubery and grass as the ground. Reflecting back on this sad attempt to recreate a sceen from "The Lion King" made me laugh. But at the same tyme, it was very enjoyable to see what i drew back-in-the-day. I realize i should be more greatful to my mom for even opening art up to me.Who knows, i may never had drew anything if not for her.....

Now, when i look at the cover of one, of my various, sketch books, i see that the "Mead" brand , "Academie" book printed "Sketch Diary". At first, i thought it was a dumb thing to lable this. But Now, it realize that it realy is a "Diary" for me.

I never really kept a diary... so, i did write some thoughts here and there in my sketch book.
But thats not really why it is a "sketch diary"
.... the pictures say more than the words i write...
As they say "a picture says a 1000 words." I guess that statment would be kinda true for me.

"My Flaws are Open Season". Song "bother" by Corey Taylor.

I really really like this song, and this particular statment. I feel i can relate to it.... i don't ever really stick up for myself.... most of the tyme i never really say what i really want to say....because i am always afraid...afraid to offend anyone...afraid that no one will listen....afraid of rejection........................... ..so in stead of speaking... i just keep to my self.... but what is not spoken virbally,
i try to express it through my art.... weather its something i have always wanted to express, or and idea that came to me, a dream or envision i want to plan out through paper and pencil, or feelings from my heart and soul: these are all factors that are the essence of my sketches/drawings/paintings/doodles/colorings.....

Every single peice of art i make, i put a peice of me into.... weather its just a doodle during Tech Math,
or an acrylic painting in the art room, a part of my soul goes into it. So if this peice of work were destroyed,
part of me will get destroyed as well.... this is just how much my art means to me. I really don't know what
i would do if i could not use a pencil or pen or paper to express my self. Its the greatest invention ever invented, in my opinion....

so...i guess, this is just a bit of how art is apart of my heart, my soul, my life....
My art is my poetry, my sketches are my songs, my doodles are the way i teach the world what goes on inside my head, my heart, my soul..... And i just really really wanted to tell the world this....

So, if i could go back in tyme, i would go to the day i was to present my "health-improving hobbie" and tell the
class what Sketching Really means to me......this is one of MANY , MANY regreats of my past that i wish so badly
i could go back in tyme to change.....

As i wrote this, i was attempting to replicate the cover of "The Devil Wears Prada" cd cover: "Dear Love: A
Beautiful Discord. I just got it today...11/16...and that is what i am currently listening to. i heard of this
band through the Silverstien/Aiden/It Dies Today concert. It Dies Today were stuck in Boston so The Devil Wears Prada filled in for them. IT WAS AMAZING! I AM SO GLAD AND FEEL SO LUCKY I WAS ABLE TO MAKE IT TO THIS CONCERT!